Long Time No See~!

Hi All~

It's been a while since I last posted. I'm back in my lurker phase. lol

Don't have much to say really. I'm having a lot of personal life issues. Family drama basically. lol, who doesn't love that good 'ol family issues. 😒

Anyways, Still hoarding Yaoi and other BL merch like crazy. haha

Though, I've been holding back a lot as of late. There's so much stuff I've been wanting to get on Mercari. ughh!! so much good stuff! I did give in and buy a Pearl Boy acrylic, lol, but that's the only thing recently. And that was like... 2  months ago. 

but yeah, Just have manga coming in. heh

Oh, actually... sigh, IDK why, but I've also been buying random shit off of TEMU. haha! UGH! I don't know why I just buy shit I don't need or... really want. Just like how it looks and I buy it. I got a MDZS umbrella though! I have been wanting an anime umbrella for SO long. ugh! I tried getting a TGCF one and either I sold my kidney for the shipping on that one thing or I gave up. lol

Glad I did give it up cuz I found that MDZS umbrella on TEMU and it's actually an official product! So, I was extremally happy to have found that, and once I got that, I got a bunch of other stuff.... for some reason. loll... 

Yeah... I guess I'm a bit of a shopping addict? Maybe at the moment? IDK, Or impulse buys is the way I'm coping with the stress I'm currently under due to the aforementioned family stuff...? idk, Gonna still be silent for a while longer. Though like I've said before, I'm lurking. Still constantly on goodreads, twitter (forever will be twitter) and tiktok and stuff... 

See ya around~ 

Day 149 —

I'm still on... lock down? Well, not really. The little shops around me and other major stores are re-opening or have now accommodated Curbside pick-up which allows them to more or less, remote operate or whatever. So.. things are slowly going. My place of work will still be closed, most likely, until the End of the year or New Years. By that I mean, AFTER the New Year, actually. It's really sad and kinda scary to really realize that. To be honest, I don't want to go to work. I mean, I want to go to MY job. 

I really DON'T want to look for a new one in the mean time because there are just so many factors that are out of your control and I know in my place of work things will be way more different/safer because of my Union. Anyway, I do realize I need to get a temporary ... well, something, so that I can start getting some income into my home. 

As for what I've been up to... well.. Just been reading so much lately. Which is nice because with worrying about work and other life garbage situations, I read to forget and get away. For a second there, I wasn't enjoying it much. Just too much stress with my sister, whom I live with and also just with worrying over work really, my income and all. Mainly the shit with my sister and her misguided priorities, it was all becoming too much and I lost my joy for reading and for doing other things. It was a struggle to get out of that dark place of deepening depression. I didn't want to do anything. Just wanted to sleep the days away and was just getting so dark and I was hating on myself... it was scary to look back now and see in hindsight what I was feeling and thinking. Now I've found the joy again in things, like reading and video games and just loosing myself in random distractions. I'm happy to go out again and just walk my dog. It's nice. 

Day 36? — & Final Fantasy VII: REMAKE

Totally lost on days.

I have to keep asking my sister what day it is. I know the number becasue of my phone but not the day. lol... Though I can just look that up too but it's odd not just KNOWING if it's Tuesday or whatever. When I was at work I would know obvs, but now I'm just... huh?! lol

Anyways, things are okay. Keeping sane thanks a MILLION to Square-Enix and having Final Fantasy VII: REMAKE to play. It is seriously a most amazing game. I am so fucking happy I have it to play. So glad I decided to pre-order it through Best Buy because I didn't have to wait and shit. I'm so sad for my friends that got it through Amazon cuz they got theirs so damn late. I got mine on the 9th! <3 Even a day before it's actual release date. lol

The game is fantastic!! The CGI is breathtaking and the voice acting is spectacular. I was so pissed that they had changed the original english voices but now, having played an all, I'm so god damn happy with it. They did us all proud.

Okay, so, overall 10/10

It was just too kick ass for me not to rate it with top scores. There are a few things that don't make sense (mainly at the end) and things I HATE to have to do. Like, different scenarios to unlock trophies and shit, but Overall. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.

I even said that it MAYBE surpassed my beloved Kingdom Hearst!
but honestly, no. lol... I said it cuz I was high off the ending and having just beat the game but nah. Now that I've stewed on it a bit. No. haha, Not in a bad way just... okay.. look, It's Nomura-san at the helm of this project. He's in charge of BOTH projects actually, that you can SEE his twisted mind at work. lmao
I say twisted cuz, when I said earlier that a few things don't make sense, especially at the end... it has his mind-fuckery all over it. lol...
We were once again hit with the Nomura-effect. I have no idea what he's going to do. He's totally going to change things.... just dunno what and afraid to find out!!
But again, it was so much fucking fun and all the CGI and voice acting and music, OMG the music!!---it was fantastic! So amazing!

I LOVE it.

Day 14 —

It's now the 14th day of this Stay at Home order that my state has in place. I'm really running out of things to do and to find to distract myself. lol

Also, frustrated with my sister because she keeps saying "I can't live my life like this" and goes out, who knows where, every single day and it's like, Do you really think you're the only one? So I'm frustrated with her and also trying to stay as far away from everything she touches because hell, for all I know, she's now already come into contact with the virus. 

But other than that, I've been watching lots of movies and shows. I got Disney+ for a week, the free trial, and actually finished everything I wanted to watch. lol. There isn't anything on there of real interest. Although I like Star Wars, the Mandalorian isn't enough to get me on there for more than that week. hahaha..

I've tried watching a few shows, new ones, but I don't know, maybe it's just the mood that is surrounding everyone but I just can't seem to get into anything new. But I have started re-watching Criminal Minds all the way from episode one. It's actually pretty interesting to see all the episodes I missed when it was airing on TV. OMG, I can't believe it's finally on it's final season. I figured it would cancel  shortly after they sacked the actor that played Aaron Hotchner. It's not that I didn't like Emily (the character) but I also had no interest with watching it without Hotch. Even if Morgan left, Hotch was my reason for watching it. So, again, sad it's finally over?? or soon going to be, but it's about time. 

Anyways, I've tried playing Pokemon Go too but since I can't really be out too long, just a stroll, I haven't really caught anything good. Two shinies! so maybe? lol... but yeah, I can't raid since that requires at least 7 or 10 people... sigh, It's really just, not fun anymore. haha. 

I've had a lot of time to think on things and sadly most thoughts go into negative. What with my sister being such a bitch (that from above is barley the start of the things she has done and said to me recently) I'm getting into a bad head space. Not being able to go to work and just out and being along with my thoughts most of the time, man, It's totally not good when home life is negative. Ughhh... Trying to get out of it but well, not much I can do. 

Well, Just going back to Criminal Minds, more anime and more gay novels... hopefully something will help me get out of this funk. Maybe I'll try writing again... I do have the time.. I wonder if my Muse will ever speak to me again...

DSP Debacle

I honestly never thought they would turn into one of the asshole publishers that they saved so many books from. They were there for Silver Publishing, Ellora's Cave and many other publishers that turned rancid on the inside and stole thousands from authors.

And now they become one of them.

I am just so very sad about that. I really am. I don't even know what to really say or feel other than feel so sad and betrayed by them. And that's just me as a READER I can't begin to imagine how the Author's published through them must feel. It's really just the worst thing to have happened to one of the, if not the real last giant MM Romance publisher.

One thing I have been really hating more than what they did is watching author's that have left berate and ridicule those that have decided to stay. What everyone does in this situation is their own business and reason. And they don't have to justify it to anyone but themselves.

So all those bitches out there that claim to be on all authors' side, how about you not shame those that stayed. okay?
Again, mind your business. You have no idea what was their reason for staying AND they don't need to tell anyone. It does NOT mean they're the only ones getting paid or made a deal or whatever, it was just a choice they felt was the best for them. So again, FUCK OFF.

Now... I don't think Dreamspinner Press will ever recover from this. Unless someone else takes management of this and they kick out Elizabeth North, I don't know if there will be a comeback. Even if there is a resurrection. No one will trust them again. Maybe it's something deeper and not Elizabeth North, but who knows... I'm only seeing what people are assuming and not what the real shit factor was.

In any case, it's indeed just a sad view to see. This publisher that saved homeless books from rotten publishers ultimately become one of the very same rotten apples.

Moving

So.. I am once again moving. Trying to keep a close eye on everything to make sure I don't loose anything this time. god only knows how much stuff I have lost during all the moves.
Lets see... here is my own mini-list that I can remember of all of our moves...

First place - Traudy's
Second - Our first real (and seemingly only) house (the only non rented house/room/place this was ours)
Third - mission hill (The Witch)
Fourth - Arleta by rosa's shop (when Belle-our cat- almost got run over)
Fifth - first time in van nuys forgot the street name but... I remember the dog Toby
Sixth - Rosa's House right next to the bus stop. As well as first time I used school bus to Kennedy
Seventh - Germain back to mission hills (lived so close to Denise)
Eighth - Back to Pacoima/Van nuys, filmore street like a block from old rosa's van nuys house
Ninth - Arleta behind Walgreens
Tenth - our little stint in Sacramento
Eleventh - with maureen
Twelfth - Tia's. (current place we're going to)

~sigh~
That's a lot.


Well, That sure Is a lot of places. lol... those little notes are how I remember the houses. hmm... interesting...

Anyways, hopefully this next move goes smoothly. >_____>

I just need some... RELIEF!!!!!

For almost a year now "We" (mom, sister and myself) have been having to live with my older sister and her disgusting boyfriend because, we have had no place to go since my dad was arrested.

I cannot get a job, my sister is working as a baby sitter because the lady was a friend of my mom before we tried out Sacramento and she needed help, (we came back) and well, now My mom is taking care of my Nephew.

What pisses me off more than The fucker's disgusting Body Odor and complete lack of any personal hygiene, more than his disgusting messy lazy ass that spills and throws shit on the floor without lifting a finger to clean, Is the way they treat my mom. She cooks, she cleans, she washes their clothes, she takes care of Matthew ALL DAY and pretty much most of the night (still) and yet... they can't seem to pay her more than $200 a month.

Really. We only came back because my sister said she would pay her (a fucking lame ass price but...) at least $100 a week while kim worked for the lady (who pays $300 a week +any extra kim does) and I looked for a job and we could move out.
Yeah.
That so did not happen. She pays her $200 a MONTH and not even on time. so really.. she pays her $200 every two months. Its really freaking... fuck! How the hell are we supposed to move the fuck out if they don't pay her what they said they would!!! I mean really? how the fuck?!?! forget that no one calls me back... how are we ever supposed to gather enough to move out when the only thing they pay her is 100 bucks when they feel like it. OMFG!!!!!

and of course I love my mom... but she makes me angry too because she doesn't say anything. I'm working for Avon right now, but I make pocket change really...
She doesn't say anything, and now... the days go by and nothing... we need to get the fuck out especially now since the disgusting fuck head is starting to tell us oh, you can't do this, you can't watch "my" T.V because it takes too much energy, you can't have your stuff there because It's bothering  me... wtf?

WTF?!

If he wants us to move out so fucking badly he needs to be paying my Mom what they said they would. If they want us out, they need to pay her the WEEK and not when they feel like it. There are so many things wrong with what they're doing and how they're treating her....

Everyday It really just... grates on my nerves. Everyday the prick says or does something more insulting and disgusting than the last.... I am SO close to just... fucking breaking and screaming to the top of my fucking lungs... I hate him. Before I disliked him... now... I have really come to hate him. I FUCKING HATE HIM!!! ...
FUCK!! ... I just need... to get out... we HAVE to move out... or god help me... I'm going to do something to someone....

Avon and Jobs

Well, I gotta say that I'm rather happy that I finally got the courage and signed up to sell Avon. I mean shit... Since coming from Sacramento almost a Year now and then... a Year before we left I've been trying to get a job. I was going to school which is why I hadn't gotten a job before then, but then when we hit the problems with my dad, school and everything went to hell leaving us in the current situation we're in.
Selling Avon isn't all that good either.... But considering i have NOTHING now... at least Avon will give me a little to spend and perhaps help my mom and sister with some of the bills and such.
I'll of course still look for a stable or "real" job like at a retail store or... whatever so that we can move from being with my sister and her stupid baby daddy. Yes, I really don't like him. He's an Inconsiderate prick that talks out of his ass. I used to like him or at least, I was able to stand him, Tolerate him, now... I hate him.
Anyways, Avon is pretty cool. A LOT of stuff is much cheaper than if you were to get it from the actual store like, Target or Walmart. Makeup and a lot of perfumes are really expensive. Avon, thankfully, not so much. So I hope I can get more people as my customers and well... sell more. lol...
Again, I'm still applying to real stores and i deeply hope someday soon, this year... they'll finally call me.